Hi! You would probably remember me as the one that got her period last in the whole batch (yes, our Health teacher confirmed this to me to my horror) or my very hearty laugh that gets me in trouble. It was one the reasons why I was one of the very few people that moved sections when we entered Sophomore year—I was laughing too much in class for my own good.
I laughed with friends at the silliest of things. You may or may not recall me as one of the odd girls at the back of the class amused at the thought of being stabbed with a rusty old spoon. It seemed funny after learning about the formula for pressure (it would be more painful than a sharp knife). Having to hold your head as we said, “Hear, hear!” during debate gave me the giggles. Even drawing tiny dots on a piece of paper was a source of laughter and joy. Don’t ask me to explain why or how it was funny. It just was.
When I look back at High School, I must say the laughter was masking some of the insecurities I had, like any normal teenager would experience. It was a time of exploring boundaries, experimenting, finding out who we were or are, seeing how others would react to us and accept us. As part of that process, we were vulnerable. And just like anyone living out the second decade of their life, I would constantly experience rejection and failure.
I failed Ginang DeVera when she gave me feedback that is forever ingrained in my head: “Jolina Mallari, sa susunod, wag kang magbigay ng sulating impormal na kasing ikli ng ilong mo!” (I know, right? Double insult! Haha.) I failed Grammar for not taking care of my baby egg like everyone else did, or maybe I took care of it too much. (I honestly think I literally loved my baby egg to death.) I took Fine Arts as an elective at the risk of being critiqued for something I love doing, and it broke my heart as it was another thing I failed, making me give up art for a sometime. I also went through bull sessions where friendships were tested, some mended and some broken.
There are many moments I can recount but you get the picture. And as I remember them, while I look fondly and laugh at how silly I was back then, my heart also aches from the pain of some of these experiences, even today.
But I don’t regret any single moment. Not even for a bit.
I would not be who I am now if my story were different. It was important to put myself on the line and be vulnerable for all the other beautiful things in my life to happen. If not for those moments, learning from failure and taking risks early on in life, I would not have had the courage to leave my corporate job to pursue my passion and put up my own consulting company. I would not have chosen to be a parent along with my husband as we adopted our son. I would not have decided to explore new things even at this stage in life. Just last week, I decided to give playing the guitar a shot even though I have no idea what I am doing. All of these decisions require choosing courage over comfort.
One of the things I do now is teach Art Appreciation at the Philippine School of Interior Design, and while I teach my students about art, I also help them nurture their inner artists. As part of this process, I share with them how I had to find my way back to art after failing it in High School. I share it because pursuing something after failure is scary and requires us to be brave. It means we again open ourselves up for rejection. It means we put skin in the game. But without it, there is no growth. Without vulnerability, our lives lose meaning.
For some of us (like me), attending the High School Reunion means making ourselves vulnerable again. I personally feel it’s scary to be reminded of a time when we were our most awkward selves, but I choose to be brave.
When I think about it, the reality is we all experienced the most vulnerable moments of our life together. That is part of what High School is about. I am sure that we would not be who we are today if not for each other. Our stories are all intertwined. And I for one, want to thank you all for whatever role we’ve played in each other’s lives. Here’s to more setbacks, failures and taking risks as we continue our journey.
As we end a year that has truly tested us all and start a new year hopeful, may we all choose courage over comfort, everyday single day.
